BARING MY SOUL

I thought i would use my blog to bare my soul to those of you who have found your way into my soft place to fall, in the hope that it will help you navigate your way through any difficulties you may have in your own life.

Mental health issues can be present despite our appearances, and we all have things going on in our lives that others would never guess we are living with, navigating or enduring. Often we’re brilliant at concealing our traumas from the outside world. Some of us manage to get through fairly unscathed, but some of us are not so lucky.

We become very good at hiding our hurts, our pain and traumas for fear of judgement, criticism, attack and sometimes even ridicule.
It’s not easy to stand naked in front of society or even our partners, friends and family.
It takes courage to put your hand up and ask for help. It takes energy and effort to take that first step to finding the help we so desperately need, or even the right kind of help.
A lot is trial and error until you find the right help in the way it should fit for "you". It may be conventional or non conventional, mainstream or completely radical, even spiritual.
Just as you wouldn't buy an ill fitting shoe, you can't be told what's right for you, you can’t copy everyone else, or make do, or suffer and hope that whatever you signed up for, despite it not working for you, think that eventually it will fit your needs.
Sure, your judgement may be temporarily impacted, your decision-making off-balance, but your gut is there for a reason. If you feel like you are more depressed, more anxious, or even agitated like I found myself, after whatever means you've chosen to relieve your pressures "then it’s not the right fit!!
Of course this has nothing to do with not having uncomfortable moments of vulnerability or pain when discussing your issues; and of course it will be confronting. What I am talking about is a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension or dissatisfaction - or in my case, the feeling of being completely useless and whatever I did was a waste of my precious money.

So here on my blog I've decided to suggest a way forward for you.
I will go first and jump in naked with both feet. Firstly, I trust myself - and I trust you, and by jumping and showing you that it’s not all that difficult, I create an energetic bond between your heart centre and mine.
With mutual respect and love, I bare my own past trials & tribulations with you, my new friend, here on my blog.

By baring myself, I’m confident that you will find the strength you need to share yours....
My blog is all about you, after all.

So here it goes....

This is what PTSD looks like…

Usually, it’s impossible to tell whether somebody is suffering from PTSD just by looking at them. It can come and go, depending on life’s circumstances, or triggers which suddenly bring it on. They can look happy and confident, but it’s just an outward display. Inside, they might be suffering badly. At the age of 40, after an abusive 19 year marriage involving my ex-husbands multiple marital affairs, verbal abuse, threats, financial theft, fraud, loss of millions of dollars in assets, a house fire from which my children and I only barely escaped, fighting for my life mentally & physically, his sexual assault, being forced to investigate his frauds, working 3 jobs and raising four children alone!....

I finally succumbed to PTSD.

At first i was not aware exactly what was wrong with me. I had spent so long treading water and taking care of my children that I brushed all my mental & physical signs under the carpet, I kept going, and going, until I had no choice but to seek help - or in my terms "manifest help".
In my book "Counting Feathers" I describe my experiences, the good and the bad, when finding the right help for me.

One thing I do understand now after my diagnosis ten years ago is...

You never lose PTSD

You learn to live through it.

You learn to avoid people that have any ill-intentions towards you and seek to harm you. And better still, I share in my book how to read energies so you can avoid a lot of harm in the first place.
But we aren't perfect and there are narcissists around us, evil souls, thieves, con men/women, and charlatans who occasionally may slip under your radar.
You will feel those energies from time to time, and you must remove yourself from the trigger, sooner rather than later.
Your trigger is a warning sign that you have already learnt this lesson and you know what is going on here. So try and see it as your new body’s radar and remove yourself from whatever is triggering you. That is not avoidance; rather, its self preservation and self love.
The trigger always goes back to a previous negative event from a person or perhaps from an event not related to any harmful intent...
Whatever was the trigger, you can learn how best to manage your reactions and be ok. Be safe.
When it takes a hold remember to tell yourself it's ok to put yourself first. You’re not crazy. You’re an empath who feels so deeply, who trusted all things, that you left yourself vulnerable and open, and that is why you haven't moved on.
You are beautiful…You are love...

If you weren't an empath full of love, you wouldn’t give a damn and be trampling on souls to get ahead in life or abusing others to make yourself feel better, to try and mask or get rid of the pain.
Instead you help others, care about others, love others and are kind and gentle in all your actions.

So you see I carry PTSD and I am managing to raise my family, smile, run, study, mentor and love others. No one's life is perfect and we all carry some degree of pain and trauma within us;

it’s HOW you live through it that is important.

How you act and behave during a relapse is what will either serve you to grow more or impact your life in a negative fashion and hurt those around you.

I seek only love and light,

the vibration I radiate.

They say that PTSD can make you angry, I've never seen that within myself, if anything I go quiet, withdraw, and become mute, my fight against souls who are of ill intent is done.
If you’re angry you must search for the root cause and fix that or it won't go away.

Find your safe place in nature, ground your feet, take the time out that you need with zero guilt. Slow down, live your own pace. Do not be pushed, cajoled, guilt tripped, bossed or ordered to do something you do not wish to do or be.

I wish you or anyone who suffers PTSD to know that you aren't alone. I would like everyone to remember that behind any smiling face could be someone suffering from depression, anxieties, PTSD or any other mental health issue.
Be kind to each other especially now during this year in which COVID is ravaging our society;

be confident in yourself, despite all the conflicting news, lies being thrown around, the restrictions, control and agendas. It has been an exceptionally difficult time for those already carrying pain and suffering to begin with.

If we can all do something kind for someone else, something loving each day, we can rise above the craziness and keep everyone safe.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No not just for some, but for everyone.

Please feel free to connect by email and share your experiences. I will also be creating a safe forum where you can ask me questions and I will answer them anonymously or with your first name, here on my blog