I DON’T GIVE A HOOT

Bullying is not ok!

Apart from taking preventive measures, or holding people responsible for their actions, it’s important not to take it on board.

YOU MUSTN'T GIVE A HOOT!

It doesn't matter where it occurs - at work, at school or on social media…..it’s never ok.
58.11% of the world's population is active on social media when looking at eligible audiences aged 13+ years, rising to 82% in North America. Out of nearly 8 billion people in the world, 50.64% of the population use social networks, regardless of age or internet access. These were the statistics on the 26 Apr 2021. And it’s precisely because this percentage of the population is on social media that we must be ready to deal with it in the best way possible.

Bullying which happens on social media. whether you’re fifteen or fifty, is just as harmful as physical bullying. Because people can hide behind their profile or even a fake profile, it’s sometimes impossible to confront them, which makes it even worse. The truth is that it’s difficult not to encounter bullying somewhere, but it’s especially hard to get away from it in today's cyber world. It can reach people no matter where they are or what they’re doing. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, tik toc……the list is endless.

Getting bullied on social media or through text messaging can be extremely upsetting, especially when your main purpose of using this medium is to connect with others for a relaxing enjoyable experience. Having our phones, tablets, and computer with us nearly all of the time means that a bully can sneak into your life and make it feel like there’s no safe place to be. Once upon a time our only concerns about bullying was in the school-yard and the local shops. Bullying is nothing new and our future generations have all had to grow up dealing with it in their lives.

But what is new is that today’s bullies can get to us so much more easily. Before social media, bullying was a one-on-one or group-on-one experience. Now bullies can hide inside social media, create hell for people, and never have to show their cowardly faces.

So how do you navigate the fact that bullies these days are so hard to find? What can you do?

Firstly you cannot control someone else's behaviour - only your own. You can only control how you react to bullying…...or don’t react to it. Yes, I know that sounds too simple, but when bullying is done on social media….then just like a TV program you’re not enjoying, you can turn it off. Just delete it without reading it.

Being in control, owning this responsibility is very important and believe it or not, it takes away any power that the bully has over you. Bullying only works for the bully if it affects you. You see, bullying is a power over play, an act of attempting intimidation and control of others. It can be in the way of manipulation, intimidation, ridicule, swear words, verbal threats, physical threats, and even in ways that control others around you in the form of isolation and abuse that comes from "flying monkeys". These are people that a bully or narcissist uses to work for him or her in making your life a complete misery.

I've seen first hand the horrific rise in bullying especially, amongst our teenagers today. With the current stresses of busy parents trying to stay afloat, and busy single parents dealing with youngsters, but without support, children today are being left to their own devices more and more. The decline in family unity and traditions and community spirit and support also doesn't help. And don't assume all parents are good role models either, or even care about their children, I've seen some of the worst. Children as young as 12 are wandering the streets all night, some are even kicked out of home and have nowhere to go and just make a complete nuisance of themselves towards other children, taking out their feelings of isolation and abandonment by bullying. The classrooms are becoming divided between those that are charged with assaults and battery and students who are trying to learn. It’s a right mess indeed.

You may be wondering how I know these things? Well, being a mother to four children, the oldest being 25 and the youngest 17. I've seen first hand the rise in adolescent bullying at school in the past few decades, both socially in public, and on social media, as well as in adult Domestic violence.

MY DAUGHTER, LAETITIA, AT THE ELITE LEVEL IN HER DANCE SCHOOL. THE BULLYING GIRL AT THE SAME SCHOOL WAS JEALOUS OF HER ABILITIES.

My own daughter at the age of 14 became the sudden subject of bullying. Having escaped it for all of her school life she found herself singled out. Why? Just because she secured a place in an elite dance troupe outside of school. She had been doing ballet and other dance techniques since she was five years old, performing at concerts and Eisteddfods all over the country earning trophies and ribbons. When she really began to shine, a particular girl began to intimidate and threaten her with a physical beating. Going to the local shops became a nightmare. I had numerous meetings at her school regarding the flying monkeys at her school bullying and threatening her as willing accomplices of this other teenager from a nearby school. Suddenly her studies suffered and her emotional well-being was jeopardised.

Being a counsellor in domestic violence, I was well versed in what to do and who to go to, but we were incapable of suspending a school student for abuse for outside behaviours, even though the child was in her classroom. Notes were taken down, students were warned, parents were called and nothing changed; the student just laughed.
Meanwhile my daughter struggled to attend school, I dropped her off and picked her up at the school gate, suddenly her life went from one of freedom to being confined like the bullies should have been. We did manage to get the bullies banned from the local shopping centre after following her around even with an older brother in toe, after they stole her bag from her, and threatened to punch her lights out again. Of course my son did his best, but he knew he couldn't threaten or touch them because he was a male and older than them.
Ever since the attacks began, my daughter stuck by my side at the shopping centre; it was obvious that nobody's rules or any authority were going to stop this girl or her monkeys.

A few weeks later I took my daughter shopping and I had left her for only a few minutes. Suddenly, my daughter’s best friend called me in a screaming panic. My daughter had just been punched hard in the face and knocked down right in the middle of shoppers in the outdoor sitting area.
Having been lured by a mutual friend and set up, she found herself in an ambush. If you know anything about the worst kind of bullying these days, then you’ll know its always filmed by flying monkeys to brag and show off. The video clearly showed that my daughter had no idea what was coming and the punch was delivered by a rather large girl who ran at her from the side, outside of her peripheral vision, without warning and punched her hard on the side of her head and jaw.
Of course the police were called. For me it was the last straw. I would tolerate no more. After my daughter made a statement to the police, she spent the next two days in hospital with concussion, then a week at home on bed rest.
By this point I was livid. Having previously spoken to the bully in question (who left my daughter’s dancing school) and who didn't make elite squad, despite this girl’s mother attending the dancing school with another wayward daughter, I had done all I could to prevent this nightmare from happening.

Mother and daughter dancing duo. Riding with Laetitia as pillion on my Harley Davidson 883 sportster.

Wheels & Dolls road trip.

Over the next weeks I found out this girl’s history of violence and abuse towards others and I decided enough was enough.
If others couldn't or wouldn't control her, then I would teach her a good life long lesson and hold her accountable. With no consequences at home, negligent parenting, no understanding of boundaries or respect, I decided that it was up to me. It turned out the girl had been through the children's courts, counselling….you name it. But it was evident she was working the system and was well aware of her rights and that as long as she was a minor of 14 she felt that she could threaten, punch, kick others to her heart’s content and maybe even cause life threatening injuries to another minor and get away with it! Well…..not anymore!

I filed assault charges against her for my daughter with her co operation. We attended the police station and made a report. We demanded the matter be investigated and charges must be laid.
Yes I had many hurdles, my daughter was even accused by the female police officer in person of having instigated the fight or been a willing participant in it! I felt so angry and upset for my little girl at the complete stupidity, incompetence and accusatory manner of the female constable. After several weeks I was quickly losing my patience with our police system and my daughter was growing extremely disheartened.
So I wrote away to the police commissioner of NSW and complained about the police officers handing of the matter, and the police station’s negligence as a whole.

Home-schooling my daughter and son whilst travelling America. The best education is life experiences. Here is Laetitia and me in Times Square, New York.

My mother also took me travelling through Europe where she home schooled me. They were some my most fulfilling and exciting memories.

Did that help matters along……you bet it did! It did take nearly 6 months and much time, writing, attending the station, statements, and evidence to have the attacker formally charged with assault. As it turns out she was the youngest child to be formally charged with assault and have it permanently attached to her record. The female police officer at one point during statements said she felt sorry for the larger girl as she was bullied!! We knew this was a tactic and completely unacceptable. The girl was a well known manipulator and pack leader and no one had bullied her at all; she towered over all the children in size and stature.
I couldn't believe me years, my daughter was not going to suffer because she was thin! Body size is no excuse for physical violence. Ever!
I would teach my daughter that she had rights! I would show her how we stand up for ourselves. If my family could survive the domestic violence I suffered from my ex-, then there was no way we would ever again suffer at the hands of some 14 year old. The way we learn how to handle bullying in our younger years determines how we deal with it as an adult.

HOME SCHOOLING IN AMERICA

After she was bullied so badly, I took my daughter Laetitia and my son, Sam, to America, while I home schooled them…and showed them that it’s a huge and wonderful world, and awful little people like the girl who bullied my daughter aren’t even worth a moment’s thought.

After this whole saga came to a close I jumped on a plane to America for three months of home-schooling my youngest son of 16 and my daughter. It was clear my girl needed a break and I was determined to raise her spirits and self confidence under my wing. The school supported my decision and sent all of their work over to us. We had a fabulous time, we turned a nightmare into a positive and my daughter learnt how to stick up for herself and how not to retaliate, or to take matters into her own hands and become a bully as well. And of course made new friends abroad and expand her mind.

Home Schooling

Me and my fabulous daughter, Laetitia visiting the QVB in Sydney to do some home schooling in fashion, etiquette, and eating an amazing lunch…..at the same time as the juvenile bullying her was being interviewed by the police….enough said.

One of the most important things to remember in life is that underneath, it’s the bully who is suffering. Yes they can inflict pain on you if they happen across your path, but you must speak up and speak out, EARLY. Tell authorities, your teachers, a mentor, your parent, no matter how trivial you may think it is. Keep a diary and create a paper trail... you may need it.
Bullies wind up, they raise the bar until they are either stopped or held accountable.

When we understand the bully is either a wounded soul and in some circumstances even a sociopath, we can act in a way that keeps us safe or lands them in jail or juvenile detention.

Attending Drama League in the Plaza Hotel Manhattan New York.

Live you best life! Dream big! Don’t let anyone bully you into thinking you're no good! Find your talents and nurture them until you wake up living your dreams. I have taught my children by example how to stand up for themselves, be brave and never ever tone themselves down to make others feel comfortable. Writing my future fabulous life into the pages of my "Model Redress" series. No one thought I could pull it off, but I did.

Our children are our future and whether they are the bully or the victim, they both need to learn consequences of actions, proper behaviours, and self protection. The role of a parent or guardian is to teach our children by example and failing that, other parents must keep an eye out for those children whose parents are failing them and step up to the plate for them.

Life lessons in self esteem, manners and proper behaviour and etiquette are made at home, if we don't love our children the way they deserve then we cannot expect them to be healthy functioning adults.

If you are a struggling adolescent speak to your school counsellor, if your a struggling parent find a support network, contact a youth line, your local doctor can also help give you some referrals to support.

Whilst you are navigating the social media world remember it’s not real life, don't make it your whole life. Make it work for you, not against you.
Set time limits, clear negative energies, don't buy into arguments or insults, Block abuse immediately.
Here are a few things you can do to safeguard your social media experience.

• Change your privacy settings. Make sure that all of your social media accounts have very strict privacy settings. Set your accounts to “friends only” or “private.”

• Block and un-friend. Block any harassing accounts, email addresses, or phone numbers.

• Keep your personal details private. Don’t post your home address, phone number, school name, or any other personal information about yourself. Don’t show pictures of yourself in your school uniform.

• Take a break from your phone or computer. If it feels like the online bullying just won’t stop, take a break from social media. Turn off your phone or put it out of your sight.

• Save harassing emails, texts, or messages. Take screenshots of harassment. This can be important evidence down the line.

• Report bullying where it happens. Report online abuse to Facebook or Twitter if you're bullied on those platforms. You can report to other site admins if you’re bullied on their sites.

• Tell an adult whom you trust. Talk with a parent, teacher, coach, counselor, or someone who can be supportive. Adults can only help if they know about the problem.

• Don’t respond to mean or threatening messages. This can make bullying worse. Also, you could get in trouble if you make threats back.

• Report serious threats to the police. If someone threatens your safety or shares sexual pictures or video of you, report it to the police immediately.

If you refuse to see yourself as a victim to the bully’s abuse, and understand that the bully is probably in some kind of pain and insecure about themselves, it sheds a whole new light on things. It takes away the potency of their words. Their mean actions are not about you. Ever.
Their bullying is about their own insecurities. You’re valuable. You’re important to this world.
And no matter what anyone might say, you didn’t do anything to deserve bullying.


How can dodge cyber bullying

You can help stop online bullying in the following ways:

• Don’t contribute to online bullying, even if your friends encourage you to do it.

• Don’t encourage bullies by “liking” or sharing their comments or posts.

• Don’t spread rumors online. Call out misinformation and gossip.

• Don’t forward mean messages.

• Defend other people when they’re being bullied online.

• Block and report harassers. Many websites like Facebook or Twitter have safety centers where you can report harassment.

Are you an online bully?

You might think that online bullying isn’t a big deal, that everyone else is doing it, or that you won’t get caught. But online bullying is a big deal. Don’t become a flying monkey! That's not tough, it's weak and it's disrespectful to your own self.

Online bullying can really hurt others, and it can have serious consequences. Being bullied can make you feel alone, scared, and hopeless. Some people have even committed suicide because they were harassed online and didn’t think it would ever stop. When this happens, the people who harassed them face very real consequences — including legal action. And people who share sexual/naked pictures and videos of others without their consent can also face serious legal action. This happens amongst teenagers too.. you won't be a teenager your whole life and those naked pics will still be out there.

Remember the internet is permanent!
What you post can live forever, even if you delete it. Assume anything you share online or in apps could be seen by anybody, anywhere, no matter what kind of privacy settings you use. It’s also easy for people to save and share screenshots of things you post.

If you think you might have crossed the line and are bullying someone, know that you can stop. Most people in your life that you care about will probably not only be ok with it, but may even respect you for it. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected, including the person you’re bullying.

It’s imperative to support our children when they are learning who they are and what they like. Trying new things, being adventurous, exploring life is wonderful.

Laetitia also assists me mentoring young children and volunteers.

Focus on your self esteem, look for good role models and mentors - they are out there.
Read a few books, educate yourself. Get active, find a hobby, start a new sport. The busier you are the less likely you will be to bully others. Too much time on one's hands equals trouble.
Maybe think about becoming a mentor yourself, repent and do something good to build a rock solid inner strength, one that gives you an unwavering sense of pride and self love.
Helping others brings a joy no amount of money or bullying can buy.

Heal your inner pain in good ways not destructive ones - at the end of the day you’re hurting yourself.

Choose to be remembered for being a good soul. The legacy you leave behind is just as important as your life now.

Love & Light

~mpowerusleeza~